Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
