It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
