u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
