So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
