It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
