I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
