I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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