What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
