remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
