Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
