How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
