I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
