If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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