My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
