This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
