You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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