My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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