What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm bleeding and have questions
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
