You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
