shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
