yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You pole danced in your parka.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
