Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
