my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
