Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
