i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i have two assholes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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