the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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