i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will pee on everything he values.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
