I wish I could teleport
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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