remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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