brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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