I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
