just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
