Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
