Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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