I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
