I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
