I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
