whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
