Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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