: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
