why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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