mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
