either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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