Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
