i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
