I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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