there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
