is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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