All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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