New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
