omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
