Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
