and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
