Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
